Very often we do not ask for help…especially when we need it most.  And when we think we can “do it all” on our own WE end up stressing and suffering…and mostly in silence.

Whatever our challenge is with asking for help, when we avoid reaching out we can ultimately damage our self-respect and end up feeling like we are not worthy of love and success.

So why is asking for help so hard?

Here’s what often stands in our way:

• We are afraid of looking stupid if we admit we don’t know something
• We don’t know WHO to ask for help
• We don’t know HOW to ask for help
• We think we are almost there and just need to try a little harder on our own
• We may not know we even need help
• We don’t want to be a bother

If you don’t ask for support you are denying yourself of getting what you need.  And then you may wonder why you can’t ever seem to really follow through with your own personal goals.  You may wonder why you can’t ever seem to really follow through personal goals.  You may wonder why you’re always “hanging on by a thread” or never find the time for YOU.

Here’s what we have to lose in denying ourselves help:

• Increased happiness through making our lives easier
• Creating a social network that supports you and challenges you to get what you want
• New perspectives and point of view that we’re unaware of
• A deeper connection to others
• More likeability- as Benjamin Franklin said “if you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor”
• Allowing others to feel respected and have the pure joy of the act of giving to someone else

6 easy steps to asking for help:

1. Being by thinking of your persistent complaints.  What do you find yourself struggling with week after week?
2. In these areas think of what you need help with most and make a list
3. Write down the names of people who have offered to help in the past; friends, relatives, coworkers, neighbors, etc.
4. Match people with tasks based on their interests, strengths, time flexibility and your comfort level with the, given the intimacy of the task.
5. Pick just one thing on the list and contact the person you’ve chosen.  Be direct– no passive aggressive pleas for help allowed!  Instead of “if I only knew someone who could pick up a prescription for me” ask outright “can you pick a prescription for me?  I’m not well enough to go out.”
6. The odds are high that the person you’ve asked will be thrilled to be asked for help.  Remember: it’s your gift to them and it gives them a way to not feel helpless in the face or your health challenges.

Two final thoughts:

We may feel that we are placing a burden on others, however it is helpful to think back to how you felt when others have opened up to you and asked for help.  Did you feel burdened?  Or were you happy to help?

One of the skills that asking for help cultivates is giving yourself permission to be worthy of another person’s help.  If you struggle with the limiting belief that you aren’t worthy of receiving help, remind yourself of times when you have been helped and what that was like.  This can help to transform this belief to a more realistic and positive view point.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 25th, 2012 at 4:19 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.